I have to keep this thing going, so I'll update before March ends.
I still work at Joann, but it's more an afterthought now. I definitely don't love it, but I guess I don't hate it either. It's just something to do while I figure my life out.
Running is going fine. I have a bunch of crazy tan lines from being outdoors so much. That seems like it's a good sign. I'm thinking about doing another 10k in Santa Monica in May but I don't have anybody to go with and it's $70 freakin' dollars. In a different world, that kind of money would mean absolutely nothing to me. I'm already committed to doing the Disneyland Half Marathon in September for $120. We'll see what happens.
I had a job interview last week. I thought it went really well, but I didn't get the job. I think it's a good thing though - when I met the owner of the place I'd be working for, I got very bad vibes from her attitude. So there's that.
I haven't read anything good. I'm really desperate for a good book. I go to the library two or three times a week and end up checking out manuals and other educational books. I read a decent anthology of essays a few weeks ago, but I haven't had such luck since.
That's it for now. Now you really know my life is boring.
I ran the Firecracker 10k in Los Angeles today. This was my first race. I finished 6.2 miles in an hour and nineteen minutes. The first two and a half miles were uphill. This was a steep, steep hill. So steep, I wondered why I had decided to take up running the first place. Once I got past that hill, I had a fantastic time. I figure, if it weren't for that hill, I would've finished much faster.
We started in Chinatown at 8:30 am. The course was mostly through Elysian Park, and if you've ever been up there, the views of Downtown LA are incredible. The fact that it was a gorgeous day really helped. I love this city more than I did because of it.
I also got to run through the Dodger Stadium parking lot. The event organizers set up a Takio drum ensemble at the entrance and the beat provided a good rhythm to run to. I thought I'd be able to go through the actual park, but we pretty much went around it. That made me pretty excited about baseball season - I hope I can afford to go to a couple games this year.
So we're doing this again next year. It was such a great experience I'd like to take on that hill again. Reena and I are already set to do the Disneyland Half Marathon in September. Training for that should be... fun? But you get to run through Disneyland, California Adventure, AND Edison Field and that's pretty tight.
As for real, adult, career-related things... um... I'll get to that later.
These days I've been dreaming of packing a bag, getting in my car, and just driving. I have this fantasy most often when I'm standing in my three-by-five foot cashier cubicle at work. I bend over and look busy when the boss is around, but when she isn't, I'm usually staring out of the window.
Forty-five years ago, I probably would've hitchhiked to San Francisco by now. But this isn't 1965 - it's 2010, and I just can't leave. You actually need to have a place to go these days.
I've spent the past few months being frumpy. When I'm not at work, I'm usually in bed in my pajamas or wearing a big sloppy shirt and a pair of running shorts. When I am at work... I'm usually in my frumpy work uniform. I've been baking and cooking, mostly for myself, since my parents don't eat the same kinds of things I do. I'm making my father a blanket out of granny squares. He probably won't want it, as he doesn't ever use anything I give him, but I'm still making it. I don't know what else I can do for him. How frumpy is that?
Today at work, I announced the death of Alexander McQueen. Only one person knew who he was. After I explained his work as a designer and the circumstances around his death, my boss said something interesting. She's a typically upbeat midwesterner with the overly-pleasant voice and accent to boot, and she wondered why somebody who was doing what he always wanted to do would take his own life. "I don't get that sort of thing," she said, twisting her mouth a little, "whaaiiiy would you wanna kill yourself when you're obviously doin' something ya love?"
I wish people would try to understand depression better. And who knows, maybe he was sick of fashion. And it made me think, I hate what I'm doing right now - how have I not lost it yet? I guess it's the little things that keep me going, like sunshine, running, and a phone call I get everyday. And I'm only 22... it'll be fine, right?
1) My computer died and I had to pay a couple hundred bones just to get it fixed. Works like a charm now, though it would've been more exciting to just buy a new one.
2) I temporarily deleted my facebook. A week later, I changed my mind. I've had it for nearly five years, now. Where has the time gone?
3) Richard came over while my parents were in Las Vegas this weekend. We hung out in Santa Clarita. Whenever he comes here, we struggle to think of something to do and somehow end up at BJ's. My friend Vy came over too. It was nice to have a mini-UCSB reunion.
4) The first book I read in 2010 is Goodbye To All That by Robert Ranke Graves. Its an autobiography of his service in the British Army during World War I. Quite easily one of the best true war stories I've ever read. I'm re-reading (for the third time) To Kill A Mockingbird and I plan on reading Siddartha when I get around to ordering it on Amazon.
5) Sometimes I feel like my brain is atrophying. I really do belong in school, and now I have an excuse to go back sooner than later. For my next degree, I want to specialize on digital librarianship and data architecture. I think it would be a good idea for me to take some computer programming classes at COC so I know I can handle that kind of stuff. Or something.
6) I experience these on-and-off bouts of depression where I reflect on the promises society made to me (and many others in my situation) that if we worked hard and got a college degree, we'd have a high quality of life. I know I'm the victim of bad timing, but it's rough when you've done everything you've been told to do, been successful at it, and gained hardly anything from it. If I ever have children, I'm not promising them anything.
Lately, my life has been consumed by the GRE. I've got flashcards coming out of the wazoo and I'm actually trying to do a lot day-to-day math in my head. I've have such a complex about standardized testing since bombing the SAT all three times I took it in 2004. I'm hoping this GRE thing will be a one-shot deal, but I guess I could take it again if I don't do well enough. Luckily, most MLS programs don't require the GRE if your GPA is over 3.5, so I'm set there. Those that do don't weigh it that heavily. My application will be more important.
I'm still weighing my options toward law school. UMichigan has a great JD/MLS program that focuses on piracy and copyright law. I can see myself doing well with that. UTexas and UNC Chapel Hill have similar programs. Of course, I have to get into the master's program and the law school separately. Stressful.
It's nice having an attainable goal for the long term. I mean, it's all serious adult business, but it's something. I'd like to take a trip somewhere this year, but money's going to be such a major issue. If I had enough money for a plane ticket, I'd spend it on a computer - I really need a new one. I'm surprised at how well the Powerbook has held up, but I fear its days are numbered. But anyway, I was thinking about going to Atlanta to visit my uncle. I haven't been there in a long time, and it would be something different. Plus, I'd get to hang out with my eight-year-old cousin. Ha. I would absolutely love to go to New York City, though. I'm dying to see it. My dream vacation this year would be to rent a car in Atlanta and drive it up the East Coast. I just want to get out of here for a while.
Things at home are pretty stable. We're all adjusting to what's going on and it hasn't been too bad. I've been around a lot more because my hours at work were cut (January-May is Joann's "slow season"). It's been good because I have more time to study. It's bad because I could really use the money. I search for jobs every couple of days but it seems too futile to focus on too long. There are other more constructive things to do at this point. But if there were even a part-time office gig in this valley, I would take it at this point. I'm desperate to get out.
I guess that's the lowdown for 2010 so far. I excluded the more ridiculous parts (like me vomiting in front of a Toys R Us in front of a bunch of little kids on New Years Day hahahaha) but hopefully there will be more tales of intrigue and irresponsibility later on.
It's so strange to say goodbye to another decade. I was 12 when 1999 turned into 2000 and it didn't seem like such a big deal. I grew up throughout the following ten years. I started high school in 2001 and finished college in 2009. In 2010 through 2019, I'm going to have to figure out life as an adult.
I'm not going to look back to my awkward girlhood years on livejournal. I'm glad that's all behind me, though now I'm going to have to worry about whatever comes along with aging. How exciting.
I have been thinking about music this past decade, though. I must admit, I've been spending a lot of time this year listening to 80's and 90's music, just because it's been time-tested. But I have some recent favorites. I've decided to compile a list of albums from this decade that defined my teenagehood and adolescence. I'm not going to go as far as saying they're classics - they just meant a lot to me. I wanted to do songs but that would've been far too difficult for something not assigned, ha. So here goes nothing...
My father seems to be getting better, but he's still resting at home. He got some tests done this weekend and they didn't produce any results. My mother was afraid he has cancer or something serious like that. Thankfully, it's still just pneumonia at the moment.
The last I heard, my aunt is doing better as well. She's been taken out of the ICU, thank goodness. My grandma is doing well too.
My knee has healed considerably and I'm running 3-4 days a week. This has been a lot easier than the six training sessions I had been subjecting myself to. At this point, it doesn't look like I'll be fit enough in to run the LA Marathon. But I have become a better runner. I could barely go a few steps back in September and now I can make it around 20-25 minutes straight without wanting to pass out. Running up hills makes me feel like such a badass. Maybe I can find another race to run in the summer. Or something.
As for the job search, there isn't much to report. I had two interviews in October. Both lasted around ten minutes. I actually got an offer but I would have to drive to an office in Beverly Hills five days a week (including weekends) for $9 an hour. I attribute why I even agreed to an interview to the fact that the online ad for the job was misleading. The second interview seemed more like a casting call for a reality show. Oh Los Angeles, how will ever break in?
My anxiety about finding decent employment has been heightened this week due to two factors: other people and the holidays. Some of my friends have been landing real, honest-to-God jobs recently. It's not the majority by a long shot, but I'm afraid of falling behind. What if I'm still at Joann six months from now? In a year? I'd be a complete failure. I shouldn't compare myself to others but goddamnit, I do. So there.
Also, the holidays are approaching. I'm not worried about buying gifts, since I rarely can afford to get my family and friends anything anyway. I have never worked over the holidays. Moreover, I have never worked retail over the holidays. I can hardly handle my anger and frustration when we're busy over a weekend. I don't know how I'm going to do on the day after Thanksgiving (on which I'm scheduled for the full morning and afternoon) and beyond. Well, on the bright side, my skin is going to be as thick as a phone book. Or something.
So that's my lj-version life update. I've been pretty upset with everything lately and I'm surprised this post isn't a total pity-party. Now I'm off to wrap myself in a blanket, lie down, and stare out the window. Feels good, man.